Friday, 24 August 2018

What's going on?

Things seem to have a habit of getting really busy. I feel as though the last time I sat down to think about it, I was sitting my GCSEs and praying for a time where I'd be able to do the things I wanted to. This Summer has honestly flown so quickly, and I just haven't had the time or the clarity to fit in the time to write anything. Today's Sunday and it's the bank holiday weekend. I'm going to do my best to sit down for an hour or so and update you on what's going on. I want to be completely raw and honest because I haven't had the chance to write exactly how I'm feeling for a long time. Things are good, and I've had so many experiences lately, but I'm struggling a little with making time for everything and everyone. 

I broke up for Summer late June and almost expected to have all this time in my hands. For about two weeks I'd wake up early(ish) to sit out in the sunshine and draw, or paint, or read...what a life right? I'd still go to small groups and drama in the evening and even went on a few walks and a run in between. I had my prom, which I wrote a post about and then NCS rolled around. Don't get me wrong: I had an incredible time, but it feels as though I've missed a lot back home during those four weeks away. I feel like I've neglected my friends, my church, my family, my groups and my work to name a few. 

I'm finding it really difficult to balance things. I know that I have a lot of commitments, but I know that I wouldn't be where I am now without them. I'm one of those weirdos who thrives off chaos and not having a single empty day on the diary. It makes coming back from a long break from them really difficult. I've got friends who I'm used to seeing multiple times a week who I haven't seen in months. It honestly makes me feel like the worst person in the universe. One of them joked that I was leading a 'double life', which though I know wasn't intended to hurt me, actually did. I know that you can never please everyone, but that doesn't mean I'll stop trying to. I'm working my way back into things, but now I have the added commitment of a full-time job (I'll explain more later) I'm extremely grateful to have two days off a week, which I am able to spend with the people who matter most. The thing that I'm struggling with most at the moment is church and knowing where to be. I'm stuck between two amazing places with even better people, but don't want to hop between the two. I'm trying to find a place to be planted, but don't want to leave anybody or anything behind. This is something that I'm working on.

Aside from that, I've started my apprenticeship and really love what I'm doing. The girls are so lovely and I feel as though I've learned so much in such a small space of time. I picked my exam results up from school on Thursday and am pleased with the work I put in. I opened them on my own because that's how I felt I needed to, but thank goodness my English teacher came over straight afterward. If I don't miss anything else about school; I will definitely miss our crazy English and Media lessons haha. As for anything else, I think we're mostly caught up. My head feels as though it's going 50mph, which is why I'm trying to get back to writing again. It's a way of clearing my thoughts and putting things into perspective. I'm hoping that by the next time I sit down to write a blog post (which will def be in the near future and hopefully with some pretty pictures of Brighton), things will be a lot calmer and that things piece back together. 

Wishing you all a clear headspace
Lots of love,
Marti xxx


  1. I think it's so brave to admit when you're struggling to balance things!! Can't wait to read more posts soon xx

    1. Thanks Lily! We might as well be honest...otherwise how could we ever make a difference? xxx

  2. I honestly wouldn't worry about not being able to balance things right now when some of the stuff you're now doing, you've never done before, so I would say once you get used to how things are now, it won't seem so bad. I wouldn't be fretting about not being able to see people as often as before, if I was completely honest because there's a sort of beauty in relationships where you don't ofetn see each other because it makes the time you spend together even more blessed and enjoyable and really shows how much you love each other!
    But with that being said I can't wait to meet up and see you again! Xxx